We’ve all been there – feeling the sudden urge to go, only to find yourself out in public with nowhere to discreetly relieve yourself. Trying to hold it in can be uncomfortable, embarrassing, and downright agonizing. But have no fear, there are some simple tricks to help you keep that poop in until you can find a toilet.

First things first, getting into a squat position can help relax the puborectalis muscle and straighten out the angle of the rectum, allowing that impending poop to stay inside. Try subtly lifting up onto your toes or pressing your thighs together to recreate a squatting position. Just don’t overdo it and draw attention to yourself!

If you start getting whiffs of something foul, don’t panic. Subtly grab some gum, breath mints, or even clip on an air freshener to your belt loop to help neutralize the smell. Courtesy flushes as soon as the coast is clear can help reduce odor too.

Most importantly, stay calm and don’t stress. Tensing up will only make it harder to hold it in. Try taking deep breaths, distracting yourself, or even clenching your butt cheeks together tightly. With some preparation and these handy tips, you’ll be able to keep that poop securely in place until you can let it out in sweet, sweet privacy.

Use a Squatting Position

Studies show the best position for easy pooping is squatting – keeping your knees above your hips. Squatting straightens out the angle of your rectum, allowing poop to pass through more easily. Obviously you can’t start squatting when you’re out and about, but there are subtle ways to mimic this position:

Lift your toes up off the ground to keep your legs engaged.
Press your thighs together.
Sit near the edge of a chair and lean forward slightly.
If you’re driving, lift yourself up off the seat a bit.

Don’t go overboard with squatting motions or you’ll draw unwanted attention! The key is using small squatting motions to relax the puborectalis muscle so your poop stays put.

Bust Out the Air Fresheners

Let’s be real – when you gotta go, you’re probably gonna start smelling. Keep some odor eliminating products on hand so you don’t choke out everyone around you:

Poo-pourri or Just a Drop – These work by creating a film on the water’s surface so smells can’t escape. Just spray the bowl before pooping!
Gum, mints, breath strips – Fresh breath means people will be less likely to suspect the real source of any smells.
Essential oil sprays – Fill a small spray bottle with water, essential oils, and baking soda to make your own portable air freshener. Spritz yourself discreetly if any smells arise.
Car air fresheners – Hang one from your rearview mirror or air vent so your car doesn’t turn into a gas chamber.

Do a Courtesy Flush

When you finally reach a bathroom, flush as soon as the first wave hits the bowl. Flushing immediately helps whisk away some of the smell. It also breaks up the poop, making stench less concentrated. Just flush quickly, do your business, then flush again after all is said and done.

I know flushing repeatedly wastes water, but this is an emergency situation! You can always reduce your water usage in other ways to balance it out.

Harness the Power of Ventilation

Trapped smells get stronger, so make sure you’ve got airflow:

In the bathroom, flip on the fan or open a window.
In your car, roll down the windows to create cross breezes.
If you’re inside a building, try to move toward doors and windows. Outside air helps dissipate odors.
Subtly wave a book, folder, or your hand to gently fan smells away from your vicinity.

Use a Match to Neutralize Odors

Here’s a weird little trick – light a match! The sulfur from the match produces sulfur dioxide, acting like an instant odor neutralizer.

When you first catch a whiff, discreetly light a match, let it burn 5-10 seconds, blow it out, then run it under water before tossing it. I recommend keeping matches with you when you know bathroom access will be limited. Who knew such a small thing could make such a stink go away?

Don’t Forget the Toilet Paper!

After you finally find toilet paper and sweet release, be sure to:

Really scrub the bowl well with toilet cleaner and a brush to help prevent lingering smells.
Spray air freshener or essential oils around the bathroom.
Flush with the lid down to prevent smells from wafting out.
Wash your hands thoroughly! Nothing worse than successfully hiding poop smells only to have it follow you on your hands.

Distract Yourself

Trying to ignore the urge to poop only makes it more persistent. To help take your mind off it:

Count backwards from 100 – This mental task helps distract you.
Clench your butt – Discreetly squeezing your cheeks together can temporarily stop poop from coming out.
Take deep breaths – Stress and anxiety make holding it harder. Try box breathing – breathe in deep for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, breathe out for 4 seconds.
Avoid carbonated drinks – Bubbly drinks make you gassy and put more pressure on your bowels.
Press on your perineum – Applying light pressure between your anus and genitals can temporarily restrict bowel movement. Just don’t be too obvious about this move!

Use Your Thighs

Your thighs are the unsung heroes of poop retention. Tightening these bulky muscles literally squeezes your anus closed, blocking poop from escaping.

Try discreetly:

Pressing thighs together
Flexing thighs
Lifting one thigh up off the seat
Gently bouncing legs or tapping feet to engage thighs

This forces the poop up and back inside you, buying you extra time. For extra security, squeeze your butt cheeks together too.

Lean Forward

How you position your torso impacts your ability to keep poop in. Leaning forward creates tension in your midsection, locking that poop securely in place.

Subtly:

Hunch over when sitting or standing
Bend at the waist
Rest elbows on knees
Clasp hands and lean on a table

Just avoid being too obvious or groaning as you lean – be cool! Arching your back makes it way harder to hold poop.

Know Your Limits

As much as you try, there will come a point when you just can’t hold your poop anymore. Once you feel that intense, painful pressure, it’s generally past the point of no return. At that point, you gotta just let it go!

Make a beeline for the bathroom or find a discreet place outside to relieve yourself. It’s better than soiling yourself in public or causing serious bodily harm. While these tips can help you hold it, don’t try to be a hero and hold it indefinitely. Listen to your body!

In Conclusion

Using these techniques, you can discreetly keep that impending poop at bay when a toilet isn’t readily available. Squatting, air fresheners, ventilation, matches, distraction, and proper positioning go a long way in containing those unruly bowels. Just try not to clench your cheeks obviously or groan – keeping up appearances is key!

Hopefully these tips help you avoid any future messy or embarrassing poop situations when you’re out and about. Just remember to find a bathroom as soon as you can for your own health and comfort. Holding your poop should only be a temporary solution, not a long-term strategy. But in a pinch, now you’ve got some subtle tricks to keep that poop securely tucked in!