Let’s be real – pooping can sometimes get a little messy. We’ve all been there, frantically grabbing for extra toilet paper to deal with the aftermath. But what if there was a better way to get squeaky clean after doing your business? Enter the bidet.

If you’re not familiar, a bidet is a fixture that shoots a focused stream of water to help rinse away any cling-ons after using the toilet. And yes, you can totally use a bidet after pooping! In fact, it’s one of the best tools for the job.

The proper bidet protocol is pretty simple. First, get as much of the initial waste off as possible with TP. Then, hit the bidet and let the water stream do its magic – 30 to 60 seconds should do the trick. The pressure spray targeted right at your nether regions will rinse away any remnants much better than paper alone. Finish up with a quick pat dry, and you’re good to go.

I used to be skeptical about bidets too, but trust me when I say they’re a game changer for your bathroom routine. Keep reading to learn more about how bidets can help you go from gross to fresh after you know what. You may never view pooping the same way again!

What is a Bidet Exactly?

A bidet is a fixture that shoots a stream of water to help rinse and cleanse your nether regions after using the toilet. Bidets can be a standalone toilet, an attachment to your existing toilet, or a seat that replaces your usual toilet seat.

The water stream can be adjusted for pressure and angle to target the perfect spot. And using a bidet is easy – just sit, let it spray, pat dry, and go on your merry way!

The Proper Way to Use a Bidet After Pooping

Here is the essential bidet-after-pooping protocol:

Step 1: Pre-Rinse With Toilet Paper

Before hopping on the bidet, do an initial wipe with TP to remove any excess cling-ons. You don’t want huge chunks heading down the bidet drain.

Step 2: Adjust Settings and Let the Bidet Spray Do Its Work

Angle the bidet nozzle towards your nether regions and set the water pressure to your preference. Most bidets offer settings from gentle stream to power wash.

Let the water rinse you for 30-60 seconds – this concentrated cleaning will whisk away any remnants TP left behind. Relax and enjoy!

Step 3: Pat Dry and Do a Final Check

After the bidet has worked its magic, dry off with TP or a dedicated cloth. Do a final wipe to spot check for cleanliness.

And that’s it! With these simple steps, your bum will go from gross to fresh in no time.

Bidet Benefits for Post-Poop

Why add a bidet to your bathroom routine? Here are some stellar benefits:

Better cleaning: Bidets provide a thorough, targeted rinse that gets into all the nooks and crannies. No smearing like dry paper.
Comfort: The warm water spray feels soothing on your skin. Beats chafing from excessive wiping!
Hygiene: Removes more fecal bacteria than wiping alone, reducing odor and itching.
Eco-friendly: Cut down on TP use and waste. Some bidet models even have air dryers!
Budget-friendly: With the amount you’ll save on TP, a bidet pays for itself over time.
Accessibility: Great for those with mobility issues, like arthritis, who have difficulty wiping.

As you can see, bidets are the MVPs of post-poop cleanup. Once you try one, you’ll never see pooping the same way again!

Common Bidet Questions Answered

New to the world of bidets? Here are answers to some frequently asked questions:

Isn’t it weird to spray my privates with water?

It may feel strange at first, but most people find the experience refreshing and rejuvenating once they try it! The sensation quickly becomes second nature.

Do bidets really get you cleaner than toilet paper?

Absolutely! TP merely smears while bidets wash away debris. Studies show bidets reduce fecal matter left behind far better than wiping.

Do I still have to wipe at all if I use a bidet?

A final wipe to pat dry is recommended. Many people also do a quick wipe beforehand to remove any excess leftovers pre-rinse. You’ll likely use way less TP overall.

Is it OK to poop directly into a bidet toilet or seat?

No problem! Bidet fixtures all utilize a standard toilet to flush waste away. Pooping in them works the same as a regular toilet.

Will the bidet water spray poop all over the place?

Nope, bidets use a concentrated nozzle to target the precise area needing cleaning. It’s not a wild hose spraying randomly. No mess!

Can kids use bidets too?

Bidets are safe and hygienic for all ages. Just supervise use for little ones and make sure water pressure is gentle.

Ready to Upgrade Your Post-Poop Routine?

Sold on bringing a bidet into your bathroom? Here are some top-rated models to consider:

Brondell Swash 1400 – Luxury bidet seat with options like a warm air dryer and charcoal deodorizer. The ultimate in rear care!

Tushy Spa – Sleek bidet attachment that’s easy to install on your existing toilet. Adjustable temperature and pressure.

Bio Bidet BB-2000 – Feature-packed bidet toilet with strong spray, heated seat, and more. Top-of-the-line posterior pampering.

Luxe Bidet Neo 120 – Budget-friendly bidet attachment with dual nozzles for front and rear washing. Great value.

Give one of these bidets a try, and take your post-poop routine to the next level. Your backside will thank you! Never let TP alone come between you and a clean tush again.

The Takeaway: Pamper Your Derriere

A soft, fuzzy robe. Scented candles. Relaxing music. What do these all have in common? They make you feel pampered and cared for. We enjoy little luxuries that enhance our daily routines.

Well, why not bring some pampering to the bathroom too?

Your behind deserves the very best, especially after pooping. Treat it to the soothing sensation of a bidet’s gentle spray. Warm water washing away impurities so you feel refreshed and clean.

Ditch the dry paper scratching and upgrade your self-care. You’ll be amazed how something as simple as a bidet can turn an everyday necessity into a spa-like experience.

Leave the less-than-thorough wiping to the past. Your derriere desires – nay, demands – the royal treatment. Sit upon your cushy porcelain throne and let the tranquil waters rain down! A bidet awaits.